“Kastner has been missing for 2 months, they just found his body in yellowstone, self-inflicted gunshot…”
Last night I received the above as a text message from James Thomas, “Rage 2 Actual.” Sergeant Peter Kastner was one of his squad leaders.
At the moment, I’m still speechless. However, there are a few things I have to say to Peter:
It feels like yesterday that you were sitting in my state-room aboard the USS Dubuque, discussing your squad’s affairs with Lieutenant Thomas. You were a strong, disciplined leader, with a John Wayne presence. When other’s would have lost their cool, you were calm, relaying your intent in a soft and resolute voice. You always went beyond the expectation.
Even when things started to go wrong.
After taking two IED blasts your memory began to erode. Doubt set in.
Days later, you watched Clint die. And you collected his remains.
I still remember how it affected you. The confidence and strength were visibly removed. And I didn’t know what to say.
Things didn’t get any better after the deployment. You left the Corps, became a civilian, and began a new war with PTSD. I’m sorry I let you fight it alone.
I let you fall off my radar. I let you down. I failed you. Because, alone, you went into Yellowstone to face your enemy. You won’t be coming back. You’re beyond this life.
I’m not sure if you ever read the book, as you went missing not long after it was published. It was my attempt to capture what you, one of the best damn Marines I’ve had the pleasure to serve with, accomplished in life. I only wish I could have told you that in person.
You may be beyond my reach, but you are not forgotten.
Semper Fi Sergeant.
9 Comments
I am absolutely heart broken at the news of this. Sgt Kastner was a man that me as XO of the company looked up to. I had many talks with Sgt Kastner in Iraq, and have told many heroic stories of his leadership and intestinal fortitude. You will always be remebered as a hero to me.
God Bless,
Craig Trotter
As tragic as a suicide is (I lost a friend of mine that I had, literally, watched grow up, to suicide when I was 18), unless you are omniscient it’s only harmful to yourself to blame yourself for not preventing it. The hard truth is that no mortal man can keep track of everyone that they have touched as they pass through life. That’s why we have professionals, organizations and groups that help take up the slack.
I’m not trying to minimize your feelings, nor the tragedy of what happened – but I let guilt scar me for years after my friend’s death until I finally realized that, realistically, there was nothing I could have done. The paths our lives took diverged, and I was not all-knowing. I hope this helps, to some small degree. You and all who knew this person will be in my prayers.
What a tragedy. I spoke with Sara, Peter’s mother, yesterday. Sara and Larry have requested if you have any comments that you would like to share to be read at his ceremony please email them to kastner6582@charter.net Also donation in his honor may be made to the DAV.
Blessings to the Kastner family.
Ali Davidson
CPT Daly,
I concur with Jeremy. I, too, lost someone close to me and for quite awhile I tore myself up trying to analyze everything between us. How had I missed the signs? What could I have done differently? Why wasn’t I there? I affected me deeply, and it wasn’t until someone else close to me pointed out that the problem was with “I”. The decision my friend made was one that he chose, not me.
My duty is to live my life, and remember him. To forgive him his actions, and know that we will both meet up in a better place. Still, I miss him.
Sir,
I am an anonymous American, scrolling the mil blogs this morning. Your story really hit me and I decided I needed to do something. So I have emailed your story to my senators and representative, urging them to fund and monitor programs to help our soldiers deal with the horrors of war. Thank you for your service to our country and telling the story of what our service men and women go through for us. We are in your debt. May you find healing and peace and above all, please don’t let guilt bring you down. Grieve, learn from this and live your life to best of your ability. I so wish you well.
At a loss for words…. PTSD is a complicated circumstance, confusing & lonely! May you find comfort in knowing you are not alone! Love & Light!
A Military Suicide Widow
A copy of the email I just sent to his family sums it all up, I hope.
We will never ever be able to repay you guys for your strength and sacrifice. Thank you!!
******
Dear Mr. & Mrs. Kastner,
I just read about the passing of your son and my heart goes to you. Truly. Sincerely. Utterly.
I may not have known him, but I am well aware that it is thanks to young heroes like your son that we, the rest, can enjoy life’s simple and not so simple pleasures, and we still have a great country to call home.
Please, rest assured that at least in my heart, as insignificant as it is, his efforts, sacrifice and heroism will always be remembered and thanked.
And may you take comfort knowing that he is now with G-d, most likely in a very especial place reserved only for those who care so much for others they don’t even know that end up paying the greatest price there is.
With love and gratitude,
Ali
Well said Ali.
My deepest condolences to Sgt Kastner’s family. I wish he could’ve gotten the help he so desperately needed to cope with all he was going through. But sometimes, try as we might, we can’t always help our heroes. May he rest in peace, and the memory of his dedication to his country be carried in our hearts always.